


A Window Opens

by ivycross



Series: Just a kiss [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Making Up, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Steve McGarrett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:57:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivycross/pseuds/ivycross
Summary: "This evening was turning out better than Steve thought. Where he thought he had lost a friend, he ended up gained something more. When a door closes, a window opens."





	A Window Opens

**Author's Note:**

> Follow up to [A Door Closes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12230847)

Steve sat outside in a deck chair, watching the ocean as the sky steady grew darker. In one hand was a Longboard that had grown hot still half full. He rolled the neck of the bottle in his fingers as his thoughts ran circles in his head. They replayed the events from earlier that day.

He couldn't believe he had been so… He wasn't sure. Careless? Yes. Stupid? Yes. Hopeful? Yes… That last one pained him the most. He had been so hopeful.

For years, he had a crush on Danny, drawn into the other man like a moth to a flame. There was a light, an energy that Danny possessed that Steve longed for.

They didn't always get along or see eye to eye, but they understood each other. It's what held them together for so long. It was what made Steve yearn for something more than friendship with Danny.

He never knew that he could feel like this about someone. He had always dabbled with relationships, but that's all. What he had with Danny was something special.

And it was all gone now.

Things could have gone better. Steve knew it could have. He could have rescued the whole situation. But when Danny pulled away from the kiss and started asking questions, it had been too humiliating. Steve hadn't been able to sit in the car any longer and face what he did, so he fled.

He was sure that Danny was angry at him. He wondered how this would change their working relationship. He knew that the friendship was in the trash, but maybe they could salvage being partners?

He doubted it. He didn't think he would ever be able to look at Danny again and not feel embarrassed. That would put a strain on things between then and the easy flow they had shared for so long would be gone.

He would have to let Danny go. It would hurt to do so. He would miss Danny's nagging. He would miss the smell of the man's fabric softener mixing with that of his hair products. He would miss so much, but that was the prince he had to pay for his mistake.

Somethings were better left behind locked doors. That letting them out didn't always lead to something good.

He sighed tipping out his beer on to the ground before getting up out of his chair. It was still early. He still needed to have dinner. He could reheat some leftovers and read something before bed. He would need something distracting. Anything that would get him out of his head for an hour or two.

He dragged himself inside, closing the back door behind him. It was then he spotted Danny on his couch. Steve froze unsure how to react. He was happy to see the man. He wanted to move over to him, pretend that nothing happened and they could go on like before. The look on Danny's face told him that wasn't going to happen, so Steve went for a backup emotion. Anger.

His mouth twisted up in distaste as he walked over to where Danny sat. Danny looked up at him, his own expression determined. Those blue eye shined so brightly right then. It was like they were burrowing into Steve's heart and his resolve flattered for a second.

“You know, when I didn't answer the door, that should have been your cue to go away.”

Danny shrugged. “Eh, I let myself in.”

“See, that is not okay,” Steve retorted. He placed his hands on his hips, peering down his nose at Danny.

Danny narrowed his eyes, “Since when?”

“Since always, Danny!”

Danny snorted and stood up. “See? I call bullshit on that. Because for as long as we have known each other, I have always let myself in. You even gave me a key, so I could let myself at any time. You even said that.”

“I never said that,” Steve said, looking away. He might have said that, but that was another time and place. Back when he didn't feel so vulnerable.

“Liar,” Danny said, pointing an accusatory finger.

Steve dropped his hands from his hips and looked uncertain. He should have figured Danny would call him out like that. He struggled to pull himself together, worried that he might break down in front of the other.

Like before, he wanted to run, to get away from the situation. He couldn't. It hadn't worked out so well then and if he ran now, it would make things worse.

“Alright. Fine. I did, but I figured you would have more sense than to stroll in here tonight. I expected you to have a brain in your head, Williams.”

Danny's jerked back, his eye wide and indignant. His chest puffed up and he moved in closer. “Brains? Oh, I have plenty of those, McGarrett. The question is where in the hell are yours?”

“Mine?”

“Yeah. Yours, because you haven't been using yours today. Not from where I stand.”

Steve didn't have to fake his anger anymore. Danny's word enraged him. His nostrils flared and he stepped right into Danny's space. They were nose to nose, Steve glaring into Danny's eyes. "You need to leave right now or─"

"Or what?" Danny asked.

Steve didn't have an answer to that. He could hit Danny or shove him out of his house. Only, Steve didn't have the desire to do anything like that, even now with Danny being so combative.

With a deep sigh, Steve took a step back, turning away from his partner. He ran a hand through his hair, aware that his movements were sluggish and off balance. “Or nothing,” he said, his voice sounding rough and worn out. “I… I don't want to deal with this. Or you. So please, just go.”

Silence filled the room. Steve turned to look to see what Danny was doing. Danny's expression was one of concern. Steve hated it. He felt like he was being pitied. “What? Are you going to stand there now and feel sorry for me or something?”

He waited for a fresh flash of anger to come over Danny but it didn't happen. Danny shook his head. “I have no idea what you're talking about, Steve.” He pursed his lip, his head tilting to one side, looking thoughtful. “This isn't going how I thought it would. I came over to talk to you. About what happened today.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Steve replied.

“Alright,” Danny said with a nod. “Then let me talk because I have something to say. A lot to say actually.”

Steve snorted, “There's a shocker.”

There was a moment where it looked like Danny might go on another rant. It quickly passed. That disappointed Steve. Did he want to gloat Danny on? Yes. If Danny was mad at him about something else than he didn't have to worry Danny telling him that he was disgusting.

Danny's licked his lips sticking both hands in his pockets. “I don't know if you're trying to wind me up or not, but it's not going to work.” He paused, biting his lower lip, looking away from Steve, his eyes scanning the room aimlessly. “Actually, I have something I want to do first.”

Danny closed in, cupping Steve's face in both hands, bring him down for a kiss. It took Steve completely by surprise. He froze, his whole body going stiff and ridged. What was Danny doing? He couldn't figure it out as his mind wasn't cooperating with him at the moment. All it could focus on was the hot press of Danny's mouth on his. It wanted to kiss back, wrap his arms around Danny and exist in this one moment.

He didn't dare move. He let the kiss pass without participating. He wasn't sure what to do as the whole thing left him too confused to do anything more than stare at Danny.

Danny stepped back from him. He was sucking on his lips and seemed to be waiting. He looked apprehensive as if he was questioning what he had just done. Steve first thought was, Good. See how you like it? But that didn't last, as his second thought was fear. If he remained silent, Danny might leave and that would be twice in one day Steve would have lost him.

“I meant that,” Danny croaked out eventually, breaking the silence between them.

This only added to Steve confusion. “What?” He asked, still staring at the other man, wondering if the shaking he felt was real or in his head.

“I meant that,” Danny repeated, his voice coming out stronger, clearer. “That, what just happened. I meant it.”

Steve's heart pounded in his ears and he felt lightheaded. Danny meant to kiss him. He wasn't running or angry or anything. He meant it. Steve was speechless as his mind took the time to process this.

Danny was still looking at him, his expression expectant. He was waiting for Steve to say something. But Steve had nothing. He was in shock, overwhelmed with too many emotions. He needed to say something though. Anything.

“Why?”

That might not have been the right thing as Danny sighed, exasperated. “Why? What kind of question is that? You know what? Never mind. Don't answer, because I will tell you why.” Danny pushed his hair back. It had to be a nervous gesture as his hair hadn't moved out of place not once during the conversation.

“I've been thinking today. About what happened and how I reacted… About the whole thing and I realized something. I messed up.”

Steve could get behind this. It took the blame off him. “Go on.”

Danny gave him a look that told him he better watch it, but Steve batted his eyes, waiting for Danny to continue. He wanted to hear all this was all Danny's fault and not his. Anything so he could stop beating himself up for five minutes.

“I realized I went about everything the wrong way. It dawned me, that when I was asking had you meant it, had I meant it, that those weren't the right questions.”

“Is that so?” Steve asked. He wasn't sure where Danny was going with this, but he was curious.

“Will you let me finish?” Danny said glaring. Steve waved a hand, gesturing for him to carry on. “Thank you,” Danny said. “As I was saying, those weren't the important questions. The important question that I should have asked was, did either of us like it?”

Steve pursed his lips, furrowing his brow. “Did we like it?”

“Yeah. It's embarrassing to say that I didn't figure it out then, but better late than never, right?” Danny smiled. “See, the more I thought about it the more I realized, I didn't mind it. Honestly, I liked it and I don't regret it. Only at the time, I was just too wrapped up in figuring who made the first move and that was dumb. I could kick myself for it and for letting you get out of that car. Because I should have known that even after all this time, you have issues.”

Steve shifted his jaw and glared. Danny always had to throw that in his face. Every time something happened. “I am really sick and tired─”

“Ah,” Danny chimed in. “Don't deny it, Steven. Not this time. Because I'm not talking about your usual bat-shit-crazy-wee-I'm-going-to-jump-off-this-building-blow-something-up-and kick-the-bad-guys-teeth-in type of issues. I'm talking about ones that we've never addressed before. That I should have picked up on a long time ago.”

“And what are those?” Steve asked, suddenly worried again. He swallowed hard and waited. He was not ready to hear whatever half-baked nonsense Danny was going to spill out.

“The issue I'm talking about here is, you like men.”

Steve made a soft choking sound. Okay, it was true. He did, but it wasn't something that you blurted out unthinking like that. He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to look defiant. The look on Danny's face said that he was failing miserably.

“Perhaps I shouldn't say men in general like that. Really, I think you like me. It makes sense. After all these years, we're always together. When we first started working together, you were always around me. Like a satellite and that's never changed. Hell, Steve, you have a girlfriend and you still spend your weekends with me. You helped me put my son's room together and talked about opening a restaurant with me. Or at least you insisted that I name it after you. You talked about my retirement like I was your spouse and was mad at me that I hadn't run my ideas past you yet.”

Steve said nothing. He clammed up and retracted inwards. Danny wasn't wrong. His life did revolve around Danny. Every time they were in danger, Danny's safety was the first thought in his mind. He rarely made plans with other people. Instead, he preferred to leave himself open to spending his time with Danny. He treated Danny's kid like they were his own. Danny was his life.

He wanted to curl up or flee. Danny must have noticed this because he moved in closer to Steve. His were hands out, looking prepared to catch him or stop him. “Steve, it's okay. I get it.”

Steve locked eyes with Danny, anger filling up inside him. He wanted to shove Danny. He wanted to hit him. “What do you get? What could you understand?”

“That this isn't easy for you to accept. That you like me. That you kissed me. Because, let's be honest, after almost two decades of being in the Navy, the threat of Don't Ask, Don't Tell doesn't just go away. Even though it's no longer in effect it still hangs over your head, like a sword. That you have some macho image you have to put up, even though at the end of the day none of that matters. It haunts you and yet you still took a chance. Afterward, you freaked out when I started asking questions, and that made it worse for you, didn't it?”

All the anger drained away and Steve felt so empty. Danny hadn't gotten it all it, but he was damned close. Steve was conditioned. He could never let anyone know anything or else he would have lost everything. So many years of worry. So many years of hiding and then one day, it was supposed to be all okay? How did that even work? It didn't, not fully, and that fear of losing it all carried over into his civilian life too. He couldn't afford to lose Danny. So he never said a word, never made a move, until he couldn't stand it any longer.

In a slow hesitant motion, Steve nodded his head. Danny missed somethings but he had gotten to the worst of it. Now Steve knew he was shaking for real. He felt unstable so when Danny took him by the arm and hugged him, Steve didn't resist. He just went into the hug fully, his arms going around Danny like he was grasping for dear life.

For a long time, Danny held him. He made soothing sounds under his breath and rubbed small circles into the small of Steve's back. It felt good. It felt right and Steve melted into it. He rubbed his face into Danny's shoulder before burying his face into Danny's neck.

“So, was I close?” Danny asked breaking the silence. It wasn't a gloating question. Danny's tone was too careful and serene for that.

“Yeah,” Steve said, his worded muffled.

Danny gave him a hard squeeze and pulled back, his hands hanging on to Steve's arms. He looked into Steve's eyes, his expression soft and kind. “You big goof. You should have said something.”

“I...” Steve stalled out his eye moving around rapidly in their sockets. Licking his lips, he tried again. “I wanted to. For a long time, I did. But everything was… Well, not great but good. We were friends and I thought I could live with that.” Steve swallowed, the muscles in his neck moving. “I thought it was enough but...”

“It wasn't?” Danny suggested

“No. It wasn't. I thought if I made a move then I could see what happened.”

“And then I opened my big mouth and it all went downhill,” Danny added.

Steve smiled softly. “It's not all your fault. I was the one who ran.”

“True,” Danny conceded. “So, I guess we're both to blame, but now we can fix it.”

Steve blinked. “You wanna fix it?” He still couldn't believe it. Throughout all this, Danny showed him that he wanted to do something about what happened. Yet Steve didn't dare hope. Hope was what got him in this situation, to begin with.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Have you not being paying attention? I came here for that reason.” He was yelling.

Steve made a face and stepped back, putting a hand to his ear. “Okay. There’s no need to shout.”

Danny snorted. “There is when you don't listen. I even kissed you.”

That made Steve pause in thought. “Yeah, you did.” He mulled over this. “You said you meant it. Meant what, exactly?”

Danny lowed his head looking bashful, a light chuckle escaping his lips. “Remember when I said I had been thinking. It wasn't just about you. When I released I liked the kiss, I had to take a moment to re-examine myself. I've always found guys to be attractive but never found one I connected with. Not like you. I realized that every time you were in danger, it terrified me. That when I said I love you, that I meant it and not as a friend, but as someone I wanted to be with romantically.” He laughed again as he looked at the ceiling before looking at Steve. “I think we were both in some sort of denial.”

It felt like it was hard to breathe. Danny wanted to be with him. Not as his friend or partner but something more. Steve's head filled with ideas for dates, outings with the kids, a wedding… So much. He was giddy and it was making him dizzy.

“Uh Steve, you alright there, buddy? You got this goofy-ass grin frozen on your face and your eyes have glazed over.”

Steve rushed at Danny all but lifting him up into his arm as he started to pepper the man's face with kisses. “I have never been better, Danno. Never in my whole life.”

Danny laughed some more, this time with actual joy. “Alright. Good. Now put me down you big lug. Jeeze.” Steve did so but not without taking one last kiss, full on the mouth. This time there was no worry, fear or concern. Danny wanted to be with him and yes, there were still some lingering doubts. Things that haunted his mind from his training, but they seemed so far away. Everything seemed far away as in the moment there was only him and Danny.

He set Danny down but didn't let go. He held the other close to him, his head resting on the top of Danny's. He closed his eyes and smiled, content. The empty feeling that had filled him before was gone.

“Uh, Babe, not to be a wet blanket here, but you know we have a lot we will still have to work out here.”

Steve pulled back, deflating. Danny was right. They would have to figure out how this was going to work with their jobs. They would have to tell Lynn and Melissa. They would have to tell their friends and Family. There was a lot that was going to happen and he didn't know how any of it was going to work. Why did Danny have to bring that up? Couldn't they just have this moment?

“Yeah, I know,” Steve said with a sigh. Already he was making plans. Figuring out times, places, contingencies. They could pull this off and then after that...

“Hey,” Danny smacked him on the chest with the back of his hand.

Steve frowned, “What?”

“I know what you're doing,” Danny said. “Don't treat this like an op, Steve. We'll get through this one thing at a time. There's no rush. So long as we're upfront about it.”

Steve nodded but he was feeling a small panic well up inside him. They had to plan. If they didn't plan, things could go FUBAR and fast. He opened his mouth to say as much but Danny shook his head and pulled Steve down for another kiss.

Danny was right, Steve thought as he lifted the other up into his arms and started to carry him towards the stairs. They didn't need to plan. As long as they were open and honest, things would work out. It would take time, and there would be some awkwardness, but in the end, it would be okay.

This evening was turning out better than Steve thought. Where he thought he had lost a friend, he ended up gained something more. When a door closes, a window opens.

  



End file.
